The Ending of a Story

The past couple of weeks have been some of the hardest weeks of my life. Of course I don’t show that, but here is the truth. Loosing someone who has been in your life for two years may be easy sometimes. In the scheme of things, two years is a very short time within a lifetime. This time though, has been unimaginable. Ending something that you want so badly seems backwards and stupid. Most people continuously chase what they want, which I do in most cases. But sometimes, you want that something to chase you back. If in return you do not see that happening, things get confusing. The mind is a silly thing. You can have so many thoughts going around in your head that don’t match up to anything, but they also mean everything. There comes a point in time where you have to evaluate all of the little things. Unfortunately, those little things have the ability to add up to one big thing. Whether that one big thing is happiness, confusion, sadness, pain, etc., there is an impact. You can only make things work from both ends and if there is slack, everything will inevitably fall apart. I truly believe that people walk into your life for a reason. At the same time, people walk out of your life for a reason as well. I have never been the type of person to regret things because in my opinion, that is useless. We all make choices in life and at that point in time, that was the desired choice. One of the hardest things in life for me is feeling like I’m giving up. If I think I’m giving up, it also seems like I’m regretting things and it all just doesn’t make sense. For as long as I can remember, I have not been the type of person to give up. Most people say that is me being stubborn, which is true, but it is simply in my nature. I am a fighter. I fight to see the good in people, the changes that are possible, the success, and sometimes to simply get my own way. This mentality did not come from nowhere. My whole life, I fought for my mom against mental illness. I fought for her to be there for me, I fought for her to be there for herself, and I fought for her to change. To this day, I still fight this useless fight. After being let down time and time again, having my heart torn apart countless times, and knowing that there is little hope, I still fight. It is an endless battle that I will probably never “win”, but that doesn’t stop me. No matter how detrimental it is to me, I continue to fight. Unfortunately, I have transferred this fight to other situations. I’m not saying that this is always a bad thing, because it isn’t. The fighter inside me has helped me become who I am today, which I am very proud of. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t a fighter though, because even if something is not right for me, I still fight for it. Otherwise, I feel like I’m giving up and that is just not an option for me. With all of this being said, I am learning that sometimes a chapter in life has to come to an end. It is not me giving up and I don’t regret anything, but sometimes you just have to move forward and find a new story to be passionate about.

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