One Year Blogiversary

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One year ago today I decided to start this blog. I was constantly being told that I “needed to get my feelings out somehow”. To me, that was crazy. I was perfectly fine with ignoring my feelings and being numb because that was all I knew. I figured that this is something I could try and maybe like a little bit. Well, I think I made the right decision. Unfortunately I haven’t been writing much the past couple of months because I have been sick with constant headaches. Regardless, my blog has opened many doors for me.

I do not post everything that I write, which I am sure is common for most “writers”, but I think this is a good thing. I write whatever I want for the time being and it usually helps. If I like it, I post it. And sometimes other people like it, which is cool. I have fallen in love with words all over again. I was always a reader, but NEVER a writer. I remember struggling through my english classes in high school. I hated writing papers. I hated reading poems and plays. I hated watching movies and talking about them. I hated it all.

Thanks to blogging, I am so much more appreciative of literature. I read things that I would have never read before, I have learned a lot, and most importantly, I write. I try to write pretty often and I constantly have new ideas flowing through my head. I have been able to access so many emotions and ideas that I couldn’t before. I have also found so many interesting people, with amazing stories. It is truly inspirational.

So here is to one year, and many more.

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It Demands to Be Felt

One year ago today, I was ending one of the hardest weekends in my life. You know that Timehop app? It kindly reminded me yesterday what I tweeted. “This is going to be some of the hardest hours of my life.” I remember the exact moment I sent that tweet. I was getting out of my stepmom’s car, outside of Northampton County Prison. I sent that tweet before I handed her my phone. Visitors are not allowed to take their cell phones up. Visitors are actually not allowed to take anything up, except for the badge they give you. It tells the guards upstairs where the inmate is that you are visiting.

The last time I saw this building was when I was walking away from the courthouse. It seems to come up all blurry now, but I will never forget the sounds. My mom yelling my name, asking me why they were doing that to her, the sheriffs telling her to calm down, the creaky floor beneath me, and the soft kiss on my cheek from my stepmom. A few people hugged me in the hallway and I had the feeling that I needed to get out. The tears started to flood my eyes without warning. I think I only cried for a few moments. Then my body went into shock. None of it felt real. I went completely numb. I walked and breathed, unconsciously. Driving wasn’t an option, so I sat in the passenger seat, smoking more cigarettes than imaginable, and begun suppressing the memories and feelings, hoping that one day, they would cease to exist.

The elevator ride took forever. I was accompanied by a woman visiting her boyfriend, wearing eight inch stilettos, smiling away as if this was normal and another woman who looked completely terrified. As for me, I assume I looked cold and emotionless because that’s how I needed to be. I exited the elevator and turned left to head toward the female wing. I passed rooms with tables and then glass windows, with phones hanging next to them. Just like the movies. I got to the last window and saw her, sitting there wearing a green jumpsuit. I expected to sit in a room and talk face to face, but we were separated by glass, making it feel like worlds apart. But in the end, we were worlds apart.

The second visit was a little easier. I didn’t have to fight back tears the entire time I was there. The following days got a little bit easier, and I started to hurt a little less. But as John Green wrote, “that’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt”, the pain never truly goes away. Sometimes it randomly creeps up on you, but something more important comes along with that reminder. It does go away and life goes on.

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Catch Up Post

I haven’t posted on here in way too long, as some of you may or may not have noticed. So this is my “catch up post”. What have I been doing for the past 3 weeks?

Week #1

In the midst of working for a food stand that I work at sometimes in the summer, doing way too many loads of laundry, “packing” to move to my apartment (which I procrastinated of course), and actually packing to go on vacation the next week, I spent time with my friends. I feel like I never have enough time with my friends from home, and my family for that matter, before I am heading back to Massachusetts for school or whatever. It is always bittersweet.

Week #2

Vacation! My family typically goes to our beach house for the 4th of July week. Vacation is always great, obviously. I love our beach house. The only thing about this vacation is I knew I had to come home for one day and turn around to move into my apartment the next. A little stressful especially since packing didn’t really happen prior to vacation.

Week #3

The first official week in our new apartment for my bestfriend and I! Also, I started my internship at a wildlife rehabilitation center. So exciting, right?! Of course! Except my stomach decided to hate the antibiotics I was prescribed, causing me to be extremely sick for the past week. Sick enough to drive 4 hours home yesterday. Yeah, happy homecoming to us! Hopefully I can head back up to my apartment this weekend and continue the fun. The real fun…

Sunday’s Taste of Euphoria #11

This is my (mostly) weekly post looking back on the past week and the things I enjoyed. I think it is so important to take a moment and realize that no matter how stressful and crazy your week was, at least one thing had to make you happy. So that is where “Sunday’s Taste of Euphoria” came from. I thought I would share my happy things and maybe other people would start to reflect on their happy things as well.

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Handsome Jay

ONE// Wednesday I rode with my coach for the first time all summer. I rode her new thoroughbred Jay and he was such a sweetheart! It is always so nice and relaxing to ride at home.

TWO// Thursday I drove up to Massachusetts to spend a few nights at my bestfriend’s house. Yeeee! We went shopping for our new apartment which was very exciting. You know, dishes and curtains, all that fun stuff.

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THREE// Friday I adopted my new fur baby from a ferret rescue. I have wanted a ferret for a few years now. Most people don’t particularly like ferrets because they are weasels, but I think they are one of the cutest animals ever. Meet Zazu! I’m sure I will be posting about him.

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Successful Surprise for My Bestfriend

FOUR// I surprised my other bestfriend at his graduation party. I might have fibbed and told him I couldn’t make it, but it was totally worth it. First there was the party for all of the family, then came the after party. Let’s just say a keg and lot of shots later, we had a pretty interesting yet amazing night!

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My First Keg Stand Ever

What The Person You Deserve Is Like

This was a great read. I love it.

Thought Catalog

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You deserve love and security, a combination that warms the core of your heart. You deserve knowledge that the person you are with wants to be there and, more importantly, won’t run away when times get tough. This is someone that will stay by your side, fight your fights right there with you because they know you would do the same for them.

You deserve someone who laughs at your jokes and smiles at the mere sight of you smiling. This smile will be genuine, not fake, and you will feel butterflies when you see it and your smile will grow until your cheeks can no longer take it.

You deserve someone who brings you coffee in the morning because they know the addiction is real. You deserve breakfast in bed, flowers “just because,” and hugs that feel like you are at home.

You deserve hands…

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Sunday’s Taste of Euphoria: Father’s Day Edition

Every week (mostly) I blog about the things that made me happy throughout the past week. This started as a weekly self-reflection post. Being a busy college student, I try to always remember all of the things make me happy in the midst of the craziness. Also, I hoped that it might inspire others to do the same. In light of today’s national holiday, Father’s Day, I thought I would talk about a man who has made me happy for as long as I can remember. Yes, my dad.

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In a lot of ways, I had a difficult childhood. In a lot of ways, I had a wonderful childhood. I guess it depends what side of the picture you want to look at. No matter what side, my father will be there. He made the good times great, and the horrific times bearable. He laid out all of the pieces for success, and put together all of the broken ones. He was there for every sport event, supporting me no matter what. I want to snowboard? He helped me get season passes to the local mountain, drove me to and from and sometimes joined, and took the family on numerous trips to Vermont to ski and snowboard. I want to ride horses? He supported me through it all, mentally and financially (we all know this is quite an expensive sport). Even after multiple ER trips, surgeries, orthopedic doctor appointments, etc. He was there for the heartbreaks and the triumphs. He was there for the bad grades and the good grades. He was there to move me into college and move me out (I guess he wanted me to come home for the summer?!). He was there for the everything.

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High School Homecoming

Through the years I continuously see more and more similarities between myself and my dad. I will admit that I have his temper, but there are so many good things I got from him. He looks and acts so tough, but he has a giant heart. He is strong willed and determined and when he has his mind set on something, don’t try to stand in his way. He constantly tries to learn new things, recently having to do with guns or green living. He is so unbelievable generous and loves helping people. Most importantly, he might not always say a lot, sometimes because he might not know exactly what to say, but you know he cares with everything he has.

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High School Graduation

My dad is famous for his unique sayings and there are a lot of them. Friends and family have caught on and use them constantly. Wash is actually pronounced “warsh”. He tries to be optimistic by saying “even a blind squirrel gets a nut sometimes”. If he thinks something was a waste of his time he will say it was “for not”. To try to remember things he always has them “wrote down”. Last but not least, one of the all time favorites, when it gets chilly outside he might say “frost on the punkin, time for dicky dunkin”. Yes that is pronounced “puNkin” not puMkin, for future reference. If anyone chuckles or makes fun of how he talks or any of his sayings, he will proudly say, “it’s okay, I have big shoulders” and “I’m glad I bring so much humor to your life”.

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Saying Goodbye Freshman Year of College

If I had to describe my dad simply, I would say he is one of a kind and nothing short of amazing.

I am so lucky to have him in my life. I love you dad! Happy Father’s Day!

Strong Woman

Every summer I work with my family fixing up our rental properties. We rent to college students off campus at one of the universities in my town. When the students move out, we work basically everyday until the work is done so the new students can move in. My main job is painting. I paint all 22 houses. I also do little jobs when needed, i.e. fixing things, repairing walls, hauling stuff out, etc. I never think twice about helping the guys out with all of these tasks. Today my uncle told me that I am a strong woman which is intimidating to men. I laughed and nodded. He explained: “You don’t need to rely on anyone. If you don’t know how to do it, you figure it out. Although you do know how to do a lot of things that many people don’t know how to do…” Such a high compliment honestly. I strive to be independent and far from limited because I am a woman.

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This is part of the reason why I love working with my family. I have learned so many things over the years. I always joke with my friends, “Don’t worry guys, my dad builds houses. I can fix this!”. It is true though. I can do a lot of little things. Not everything, I will admit, but little things. As long as a learn a few little things everyday, I am satisfied.

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These lessons have also jumpstarted my DIY obsession. I have always loved refurbished furniture and other things, as well as crafts and such. I am currently redoing furniture for my college apartment which I will write about once it is completed.